And here I thought my struggle was over–that the difficult, gambling decisions had been made. Home free, worry free, until my next mammogram six months down the road. But not. (Did I mention that I passed my first check-up and mammogram in June? Now THAT was a relief!)

After my body froze up and I felt like a corpse, every joint and even my muscles aching all day, I decided that I would take my chances, give up the Arimidex (which, I might add, costs $225 a month!), and instead, after my body gets cleared and back normal (if it ever does), start taking Fosomax. It turns out that Arimidex commonly causes joint and muscle pain and also can cause osteoporosis. My bone density test showed that I already have osteoporisis in my spine and ribs, and so I’ve decided to go for the Fosomax cure.

Of course, my doctor would also like me to go on a statin for high cholesterol and one of those anti-GERD drugs so the Fosomax won’t cause acid reflux problems, and so it goes.

I feel like what my friend Tom calls an “organ recital.” I think what I’m irritable about, though, is having to re-deal with all this stuff. It’s all a gamble: Do I want a long miserable life or a short happy life? Or I might luck out and have a long happy life, who knows? The odds are better that I won’t suffer a recurrence than that I will, but they aren’t terrific. Still, the odds of actually dying of breast cancer are pretty low no matter what I choose.

So although I am not as mobile as I was a few months ago, and feel as if my body is aging years instead of months, I can still function independently. I can still live each day and find much to enjoy. As will be evident in my next few entries.